Sometimes, I wish I could get a lot of attention, I wish someone would like me, I wish I could get away with anything, I wish people would take interest in me without me trying. To sum it all up, I wish to be pretty and slim.
I want to be able to heal quickly, adapt to my environment quicker. Then I’ll have no problem switching from my group of friends to my schoolmates. I Really need m in my life. I don’t want to admit it. But I really need her. Who am I suppose to go to when something happens?? Be it good, bad or random, she’s the only one I want to go to. She’s that friend. I don’t want anyone else to replace her. But we’re all too busy, and my school is a thousand miles away from hers/everyone that I care about. I can’t live like this. I’ve been trying to find someone like her in my school so I can settle down. But I can’t trust anyone like how I trust her. Everyone else is so fake, so scary. I don’t know if I can do it. Sometimes, I wish I could just cut off all connections with them. Then I wouldn’t have to suffer the pain of leaving them every week.
I wish I could find someone similar to me in my school, someone that will listen, someone to rely on. I’m done with change, so tired of it. I can’t keep up with everything. I’m wasting time on friendships that never last. I don’t want to miss people anymore. I don’t want to be the one missing someone. I really need a clique to belong somewhere. I need someone like m in my school. I don’t want us to drift cause we’re so busy. I can already predict how it’s going to be. I don’t want it :’( I don’t want to trust anyone else. I can’t. I can’t open my heart to anyone else. I need someone.
You know, you were never there for me, not once. I don’t want to be friends anymore. I’m tired of accommodating.
I miss you more than you’ll ever know, and I’ll still love you, no matter how far you go.
Thanks, I appreciate you all being there :) I really like knowing there are people that will be there to have my back. I, thank you :)
So, my sister and I just quarreled. I’m kinda surprised, at the same time disappointed about the people that stayed by my side. The people whom I thought would, really didn’t. Because they know my sister too. I thought they would be on my side, supporting me like what one of my friend is doing. “if I’m not on your side, whose side can I be on??”-X. I love her. She’s always there. Kinda disappointed by the people that didn’t though.. I don’t care if I’m being childish immature or stupid. I just want to know that my friends will stay my friends no matter what. I want to know they’ll be on my side and that why I like her so much :) thanks a lot, XQ. I don’t want to say this, but deep down, you’re my bestfriend.
And its not that I don’t like you, you know. It’s just… I don’t feel comfortable with you around. I really don’t, like I can’t say stuff I want to say. I know we were close. I’ll still be here for you if you need me, but I just need a break from you. Maybe?? Or maybe I just don’t like your personality. Who knows???
I feel like I’m not being appreciated at all. It’s like, I keep giving and they just keep taking. And when I stop, it’s my fault. Maybe being nice isn’t good at all. When you’re nice, you’ll be taken for granted, when you’re not nice, people will say thar you’re a bitch. Being a girl is tough.
I hate myself. I’m ugly, I’m fat, my boobs aren’t normal looking, I have huge thighs, terrible cellulites, oil and disgusting hair, my teeth aren’t straight, my face is big and squarish, my body is not in proportion. I get awkward around people, I lie about the slightest things, I lie to people all the time, no one has had a crush on me before, I’m poor, I have no money, I have only a few sets of clothes, I have only 3 pairs of sneakers that I wear, I can’t wear jeans cause I’m too fat. I can’t go swimming because I don’t want to wear a swimming costume. I’m too fat. I’m extremely insecure I get jealous easily, I have double chin, I look disgusting when I smile, I have a balding spot, my hair is disgustingly flat, I secretly copy people’s style to make myself look better but none of it helps cause I’m so damn fat and disgusting. I look horrible and i have no future.
I want to cry.. I want to. I feel as if my heart is breaking and tearing but there’s no reason for it. The only thing bugging me now is my results. My results, which will link to my future. I’ve said it before, and I just want to say it again. I want to start over… I want to start my life over. From this school onwards. I’ll do well this time. Please give me a chance to start over. Go to Another school., real estate. At least I know I’ll have a future there. I’m praying, I’m wishing, and I’m begging. :’(
